Month: November 2017

Nephew Pick up

My nephew got in trouble at school, and my sister was tied up at work so I had to go pick him up and talk to the principal. And the principal got mad at ME because apparently they have a rule that the person who picks the students up has to actually be (there) on time and sober.

But no way was I going to that meeting not drunk. I haven’t talked to a school principal since I took a crap on Tony Campbell’s desk in 9th grade.  And turns out from my meeting, Principal Campbell has not forgotten about that.

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Atlanta Honeymoon

My brother is getting married and he told me he’s going on his honeymoon on an “african safari.” And I don’t approve of that. I think it’s culturally insensitive for a rich white country club type guy to entertain himself by describing Atlanta that way.

Gym Girls

There’s a really cute girl at my gym, but as a rule I don’t talk to girls at the gym. It’s too creepy, and what do you say? “Hey! I really like the way you wipe your ass sweat off the leg press machine.” But for this girl I had to break my own rule and I tried to start up a conversation. It did not work. She was super irritated that I interrupted her in the middle of her (pause) shower.