My girlfriend said she wants to get a cat. Which is good; I’m actually encouraging it because I’d like to get a new girlfriend. I’m more of a dog guy, but even dating a girl with a dog is a little like dating a girl who lives with her grandmother. The only difference is you can have sex in front of the dog without locking it in the closet.
I slept with a girl once who let her black lab named Otis sleep in the bed with her. I woke up the next morning with black dog hair all over me, in my mouth. I looked at the girl; she had black dog hair stuck to her face. It was disgusting. So I didn’t call her again. And to this day, she’s angry and confused as to why I shaved her dog in the middle of the night. It was a communication. She said, “Behave Otis.” I thought she said, “Shave Otis.” I was not there to ask questions, and she should have been more careful with her words. Because she knows I like to shave my bitches right before I fuck ’em.