I saw an article the other day in a scientific journal, that read “Dreadnoughtous Dinosaur Weighed Whopping 65 Tons, Feared Nothing.” Well, how the hell do you know that? This was 100 millions years ago–you didn’t get a chance to lie Dreadnoughtous down on your couch and psychoanalyze him. He could have been afraid of spiders and apple sauce, you don’t know! I’m not an archaeologist, but in my experience, size is no predictor of fearlessness. In my experience, Dreadnoughtous would have been plenty afraid of trying on a dress at Macys. I think Dreadnoughtous would have been a little scared of flying coach.
I hear scientific claims all the time that I don’t understand. Things like “A Taiwanese Mountain Sheep has 10 times better eyesight than a human.” Which human? Not that impressive if it’s Stevie Wonder. He’s blind if you haven’t heard. But who is testing the eye sight for a Taiwanese Mountain Sheep? And how? Do they show them the letters? “Ok now, read the bottom line now if you will. Wow. He read the copyright information at the bottom of the card from 30 meters.”